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MicroStrategy has completed its transformation from software company to religious organization, officially registering as the Church of Latter-Day Satoshi following its latest $12 billion Bitcoin acquisition.

The company’s headquarters has been converted into a sprawling crypto-temple where employees participate in daily “proof of worth-ship” ceremonies, mining for salvation through ritualistic trading sessions.

“The blockchain speaks through me,” declared CEO Michael Saylor, now known as High Priest of Hash, while wearing a ceremonial USB stick necklace. “Every morning we face east toward the nearest mining farm and pray for profitable confirmations.”

The organization’s HR department has implemented mandatory “distributed ledger of faith” training, where new employees must memorize all 21 million verses of the Bitcoin white paper before receiving their company-issued hardware wallets.

Former employees report concerning developments, including the replacement of all office chairs with meditation cushions shaped like Bitcoin logos, and a strict dress code requiring orange robes with “laser eyes” contact lenses.

Cryptocurrency analysts remain divided, with some praising the company’s dedication while others express concern about employees being asked to sign over their private keys “for safekeeping in the digital afterlife.”

AInspired by: MicroStrategy’s Massive Bitcoin Acquisition