Alt Text

In a groundbreaking diplomatic move, France has agreed to recognize Palestine at the UN, provided the territory implements a comprehensive “Frenchification” program including mandatory berets, two-hour lunch breaks, and the ability to look down on American tourists.

Emmanuel Macron outlined the cultural prerequisites during a press conference where he dramatically shrugged 47 times. “We demand nothing less than total croissant-cultural relations,” declared Macron, while casually lighting a Gauloises cigarette. “Every Palestinian must master the art of looking effortlessly superior.”

The French Cultural Minister elaborated: “We simply cannot recognize a state that calls pureed chickpeas ‘hummus.’ It must be ‘pâté de pois chiche.’ This is non-negotiable.”

Palestinian officials have begun implementing changes, including replacing all street food with cheese plates and converting local cafes into bistros where waiters practice withering looks of contempt.

“The beret requirement has been particularly challenging in our climate,” admitted Palestinian representative Hassan Abdul, adjusting his mandatory striped shirt. “But if that’s what it takes for recognition, we’ll master the art of Macron-management.”

French diplomats confirm they won’t proceed until Palestinians can properly pronounce “croissant” while appearing mildly offended at having to do so.

AInspired by: Macron’s Move: France to Recognize Palestine at UN