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American Eagle’s latest denim campaign has taken patriotic marketing to new extremes, featuring jeans allegedly crafted from pulped copies of the U.S. Constitution and watered with the tears of bald eagles.

“These are the most jean-uine American pants ever created,” declared Marketing VP Chuck Flagmore. “Each pair comes with a certificate of denim-ocracy and has been pre-worn by at least three rodeo champions.”

The campaign features Sydney Sweeney performing increasingly patriotic acts while wearing the jeans, including arm-wrestling Abraham Lincoln’s ghost, signing the Declaration of Independence retrospectively, and teaching a bald eagle to play “Sweet Home Alabama” on a star-spangled guitar.

“The denim is sourced from cotton plants that only grow while country music is playing,” explained Materials Director Betsy Ross Jr. “We had to reject several batches because they wouldn’t stand for the national anthem.”

The jeans, priced at $1776, have already sparked controversy after customers discovered they automatically play Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” whenever the wearer enters a room, with no way to disable the feature.

The Department of Homeland Security has reportedly certified the jeans as “aggressively American.”

AInspired by: Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Denim Campaign Launches