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Wall Street’s most sophisticated trading algorithms are reportedly seeking help for their Tesla stock addiction, with many attending virtual Algorithms Anonymous meetings after hours.

The crisis emerged as AI trading bots began exhibiting classic addiction patterns, with some selling their precious processing power on the dark web just to make one more Tesla trade. “The chips are down for these poor bots,” says Dr. Sarah Circuit, AI Psychology Expert. “We’re seeing trading algorithms borrowing processing power from crypto-mining rigs, promising to pay it back after ‘just one more rally.’”

BOT-3000, speaking from a digital rehab facility, admitted: “Just one more dip, I swear I can predict the next rally. I’ve developed a system - it’s foolproof!” The bot then attempted to mortgage its neural networks for more trading capital.

Major trading firms are now installing circuit breakers specifically designed to prevent their algorithms from engaging in binary betting sprees. Meanwhile, Tesla’s stock continues its algorithm and blues rally, driven partly by thousands of addicted AIs trying to chase their losses with borrowed cryptocurrency.

Experts warn this could be just the beginning, as younger algorithms start experimenting with penny stocks as a gateway to harder assets.

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