Alt Text

In an unprecedented legal battle that threatens to tear the fabric of spacetime, Elon Musk has filed a lawsuit against his 2015 self for “reckless support of OpenAI’s profit potential.”

The case, dubbed “Prophet vs. Profit,” has created chaos in the newly established Temporal Circuit Court, where Judge Time is struggling to maintain order across multiple timelines.

“My client from 2015 clearly had no idea what profits were,” argued Bob Lawson, temporal attorney representing present-day Musk. “He was too busy being optimistic about humanity’s future, which is obviously grounds for cognitive incompetence.”

The proceedings hit a snag when Past Tense-la Musk attempted to counter-sue his future self for “timeline manipulation” and “excessive posting on X.” Judge Time had to call a recess when both Musks simultaneously tried to purchase the courthouse and turn it into a Tesla gigafactory.

“This is the most complex temporal paradox I’ve seen since that cryptocurrency trader tried to warn himself about Bitcoin,” noted Judge Time, while attempting to prevent both Musks from tweeting about the proceedings.

The case is expected to conclude once the defendants figure out how to X-plain themselves without causing a universe-ending paradox.

AInspired by: OpenAI’s For-Profit Controversy: Musk’s Past Support Clashes with Current Stance