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Former EDL leader Tommy Robinson’s attempt at a silent protest has failed spectacularly after discovering he is physically incapable of keeping quiet for more than 8 seconds.

The protest, planned as part of his New Year’s resolution to “let his silence speak volumes,” descended into chaos as Robinson continued to interrupt his own quiet demonstration with various complaints, conspiracy theories, and detailed reviews of his breakfast.

“He’s like a broken car alarm that’s been triggered by its own noise,” explained Dr. Sarah Shushington, Professor of Tactical Silence at Made-Up University. “We’ve observed him attempting to duct tape his own mouth shut, only to mumble through it about cancel culture.”

Martin Mute, Protest Efficiency Expert, noted: “As the mouth-piece of resistance, Robinson has created a unique paradox - a silent protest with a running commentary. It’s rather speech impedimentary.”

At press time, Robinson was seen attempting to lead a mime-based demonstration, but was escorted away after spending forty minutes loudly explaining what each gesture meant.

His legal team has now filed a complaint arguing that forcing him to be quiet violates his human rights, while simultaneously begging him to please stop talking.

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