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In a bold move to address Elon Musk’s recent criticism of the UK, the government has established a new £200 million Department of Musk Response (DMR), staffed by 400 civil servants dedicated to crafting replies to the billionaire’s social media posts.

The department, housed in a converted Twitter bird sanctuary in Whitehall, features state-of-the-art facilities including a “Musk Tweet Simulation Chamber” and an emergency “Bureaucra-tweet Response Unit” operating 24/7.

“We’ve appointed 47 Deputy Directors of Tweet Analysis and established 23 sub-committees for emoji interpretation,” said Sir Humphrey Twitterton, Permanent Secretary for Digital Engagement. “Our response time is down to 3.2 minutes per Musk post,” added Linda Hashtag, Chief of Musk Operations, while organizing the department’s weekly interpretive dance session titled “Replying to Elon: A Performance in Red Tape.”

The DMR’s first official response to Musk consisted of a 47-page document, three parliamentary consultations, and a TikTok video featuring junior ministers performing synchronized typing.

When reached for comment, Musk had already moved on to criticizing Luxembourg.

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