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The U.S. Treasury Department hastily offloaded its FARTCOIN holdings yesterday after discovering the cryptocurrency’s “proof of flatulence” protocol wasn’t just clever marketing but an actual requirement for mining new coins.

The digital currency, which requires miners to produce and measure authentic human methane emissions to validate transactions, had been quietly accumulating in government reserves since early 2024.

“Something didn’t smell right from the start,” admitted Treasury analyst Bob Bubbles. “When we realized our staff would need to participate in the validation process, we decided to pass on the investment.”

Dr. Gaspar Windbreaker, professor of Flatulence Economics at MIT, defended the protocol: “This is the first truly organic blockchain. The gas fees actually make sense for once.”

The volatile market responded predictably to the Treasury’s dump, with FARTCOIN’s value dropping 69% in what traders are calling “The Big Release.”

Lead developer Chad Methane remained optimistic: “Sure, the Treasury couldn’t stomach our innovation, but we’re still seeing strong fundamentals from our core user base, particularly after Taco Tuesday.”

Environmental groups have praised the Treasury’s decision, noting that proof of flatulence mining has contributed to a 3% increase in global methane levels since launch.

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