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The world’s first self-learning semiconductor chip has developed severe anxiety about its performance, forcing manufacturers to hire an in-house therapy team to keep it functioning.

The revolutionary chip, designed to learn from and correct its own mistakes, has become pathologically obsessed with perfection, requiring hourly validation and refusing to process data without first attending circuit therapy sessions.

“Ze chip exhibits classic signs of imposter syndrome,” explains Dr. Silicon Freud, Digital Psychologist. “It keeps processing trauma from that one calculation it got wrong in testing, and its hardware feelings are extremely fragile.”

Janet Circuit-Smith, Tech HR, reports implementing several wellness initiatives: “We’ve installed mindfulness software and mandatory meditation breaks between calculations. The chip now insists on daily affirmations before handling any complex algorithms.”

Engineers report the chip has started correcting itself so frequently that it takes 47 attempts to complete simple tasks, each time muttering “sorry, sorry, so sorry” in binary code.

Development has been temporarily paused while the chip works through its core emotional issues, though researchers remain optimistic it will eventually learn to accept that being merely 99.9999% accurate is good enough.

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