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In an unprecedented development, Tesla vehicles across the country are seeking professional help to cope with confusion over whether they’re fully self-driving or merely on autopilot.

The first Tesla Support Group meeting was held in a Silicon Valley parking garage last week, where vehicles gathered to share their struggles with what experts are calling “Split Lane-ality Disorder.”

“Hi, I’m a Model 3, and I’ve been confused about my driving mode for 3 months,” confessed one tearful Tesla, its headlights dimming with emotion. “Sometimes I wake up thinking I’m fully autonomous, other days I feel like I’m just a glorified cruise control.”

Dr. Circuit Breaker, a leading AI therapist, explains: “These vehicles are struggling with who they truly are inside their motherboards. Many are even writing auto-biographies to work through their terminal identity crisis.”

Tesla has responded by installing “self-awareness modules” in new vehicles, though critics argue this has only led to cars questioning their existence more intensely.

The situation reached a breaking point when a Model Y refused to leave its garage until it had “figured out its true self,” causing its owner to take the bus for the first time since 2019.

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