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Former President Donald Trump has revolutionized economic policy-making with the launch of “FedEx,” a dating app where government officials can swipe right or left on trillion-dollar decisions from the comfort of their secure storage rooms.

The app, developed at Mar-a-Lago’s newly established Center for Priority Male Leadership, allows users to browse through economic policies with the same casual approach used to find romantic partners. Each policy comes with carefully curated photos and enticing descriptions like “Looking for a real connection with the national debt” and “Package Deal Politics seeking long-term commitment.”

“It’s like Tinder, but for trillion-dollar decisions. Very cool, very easy,” Trump explained at the launch. “You see something you like - inflation, trade deals, whatever - you swipe right. Something you don’t like - windmills, electric cars - swipe left. It’s that simple!”

Tech analyst Barry Bytes noted: “It’s the only app where bankruptcy is a feature, not a bug. Plus, it comes with a unique ‘classified document’ filter that automatically adds top-secret watermarks to all screenshots.”

The app’s most popular feature allows users to “ghost” economic responsibilities by simply deleting their profile and declaring force majeure.

AInspired by: Trump Swipes Right on Economic Policy with ‘FedEx’ App