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In a unprecedented move for the judicial system, Judge Woofgang Goodboy, the first-ever canine cryptocurrency judge, has issued his landmark ruling by repeatedly barking at a blockchain security breach case while maintaining aggressive eye contact with the defendant.

The prestigious Legal Beagle, appointed after a series of human judges failed to understand complex crypto terminology, has quickly established himself as the most feared authority in digital currency law, running his courtroom like an elite obedience school.

“His Honor maintains strict collar law in his courtroom,” explained Bailiff Rex Thompson. “Yesterday, he sentenced three NFT scammers to six months of squirrel watching duty after they failed to sit and stay during proceedings.”

Critics have questioned the judge’s impartiality after a defense attorney claimed “the judge’s decision was clearly influenced by a belly rub from the prosecution.” However, supporters point to Judge Goodboy’s dogged determination in pursuing justice, noting his unique ability to smell financial fraud from up to 50 feet away.

The judge concluded yesterday’s session by marking his territory on a stack of SEC regulations before taking a well-deserved nap on the bench.

AInspired by: DOGE Bites Off More Than It Can Secure: Judge Barks Back