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Thousands of dogs gathered outside Silicon Valley tech companies today, unleashing their anger over what they call “impossible performance metrics” set by new robot dogs.

The “pawtest movement,” organized by local activist Rover Smith, drew participants ranging from energetic border collies to notably unenthusiastic pugs, all united against what they view as discriminatory speed standards.

“They’re setting im-paw-ssible standards for our puppies,” barked Smith, while catching his breath after a moderate-paced walk. “First, they came for our fetch games, and now they’re making us look bad on Instagram with their perfectly calculated sprinting videos.”

Dr. Bark Thompson, leading canine psychologist, warns of a growing crisis in dog self-esteem. “We’re seeing an alarming rise in young puppies using performance-enhancing kibble and unauthorized leg extensions. It’s ruff competition out there.”

The protest ended abruptly when the robot dog appeared for a statement, causing the entire crowd to instinctively chase after a squirrel instead.

Tech companies responded by announcing a new “Real Dogs Run at Real Speeds” campaign, though critics note it’s being promoted exclusively by mechanical canines with rocket boosters.

AInspired by: Robot dog sprints into history books by breaking speed records