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Former President Donald Trump was rushed to the White House Medical Unit yesterday after staffers noticed severe symptoms of attention withdrawal, including involuntary self-photographing and compulsive mirror-checking.

The White House, now operating as an impromptu attention addiction rehabilitation facility, has implemented a strict regimen of hourly press briefings and mandatory camera exposure to stabilize the former president’s condition.

“We’ve never seen attention levels this low in a former president,” said Dr. Ima Shrink, Presidential Psychiatrist. “His ego readings are critically low, and he’s showing severe symptoms of what we call Attention Deficit Democracy.”

Sarah Spotlight, leading Attention Addiction Specialist, explained the gravity of the situation: “The prognosis is grave. When we found him, he hadn’t seen himself on TV in over 6 hours. He was reduced to showing random staffers his old Time magazine covers.”

Emergency treatment includes constant CNN coverage, even if negative, and a therapeutic Twitter feed scroll. Doctors have also prescribed a strict regimen of rally crowds, though warned that cold-turkey withdrawal from campaign applause could prove fatal to his political career.

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