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In a heated Senate hearing on vaccine reform, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. unveiled his controversial alternative to traditional immunization: a series of choreographed TikTok dances he claims can prevent everything from polio to measles.

“The human body has natural rhythm-based immunity,” Kennedy explained while demonstrating what he called an “immune system ballet” to bewildered senators. “Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know that the right combination of hip-hop and contemporary dance can eliminate all known diseases.”

Dr. Twirl Thompson, Kennedy’s newly-appointed Dance Immunologist, supported the claims: “The pirouette is nature’s vaccine. Our studies show that three minutes of interpretive movement is equivalent to one MMR shot.”

The CDC quickly issued a statement noting that Kennedy’s “Dancing with the SARS” program had a success rate of just 2% in clinical trials, with most participants simply catching diseases while performing synchronized routines in close proximity.

Despite criticism, Kennedy remains committed to his viral performance initiative, announcing plans for a nationwide tour called “Vaccination Vaccination.” The tour will feature what he describes as “healing choreography passed down through generations of Kennedys, probably.”

AInspired by: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Battles Senators Over Vaccine Reforms and Disease Epidemic