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A Ukrainian refugee has filed a formal complaint with the Charlotte Criminal Review Board following what she describes as an “embarrassingly amateur” stabbing attempt by a local repeat offender.

Kateryna Petrova, who survived multiple war zones before relocating to North Carolina, delivered pointed criticism of her attacker’s technique, giving the attempted murder a mere 3/10 rating on CrimeAdvisor.com.

“The knife grip was sloppy, the stance was completely wrong, and don’t even get me started on the follow-through,” said Petrova, making cutting remarks about the sharp decline in criminal standards. “In Ukraine, even first-time offenders show more professionalism.”

Local crime education specialist Dr. James Shank announced the launch of “Crime College” to address the situation. “This is what happens when you don’t properly train your criminals,” he explained. “We’re seeing a disturbing trend of international victims being thoroughly unimpressed with American criminal technique.”

The Charlotte Criminal Association has responded by implementing mandatory continuing education courses, though early reviews suggest the criminal element is struggling to get to the point.

AInspired by: Ukrainian Refugee’s Brutal Stabbing by Repeat Offender Shakes Charlotte