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The United Kingdom has filed for what experts are calling “the world’s first orbital restraining order” against India’s new satellite station near Diego Garcia, citing “increasingly clingy behavior” and “concerning patterns of observation.”

British officials claim the satellite has been exhibiting classic stalker tendencies, including sending unsolicited signals at all hours and repeatedly passing over the military base while pretending to track weather patterns.

“We found them going through our orbital trash last week,” said Air Marshal Sir Timothy Winchester. “They keep sending us friend requests on SpaceBook, and quite frankly, it’s getting uncomfortable.”

Indian Space Agency spokesperson Dr. Arun Sharma defended the satellite’s actions: “It’s not stalking if it’s in geostationary orbit. We’re simply maintaining a healthy satellite situation-ship with the region.”

The UK has requested a minimum safe distance of 100 kilometers, claiming the satellite has been “hovering outside Diego Garcia’s atmosphere at night with its sensors on.”

Mauritius, caught in the middle of this orbital drama, maintains it’s just trying to help two nations work through their “space issues.”

AInspired by: India and Mauritius Agree on Satellite Station Near Diego Garcia Amid UK Concerns