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In a groundbreaking solution to America’s energy crisis, federal officials have proposed physically relocating Rhode Island to a desert location out west, citing the state’s “perfect size” and “general lack of objection to being moved around.”

The ambitious plan, dubbed “Operation Desert Rhode,” involves carefully lifting the entire state and transporting it to a pre-selected solar-optimal location, much like rearranging furniture in America’s living room.

“Finally, a use for Rhode Island,” remarked Energy Secretary Dr. Sarah Wilson. “We’ve been wondering what to do with it since 1790, and now we have our answer - it’s the perfect size for a national solar panel.”

The proposal has received mixed reactions from Rhode Island’s residents, most of whom were surprised to learn they lived in Rhode Island. Urban planner Jeff Matthews defended the plan, saying, “We’re not just moving furniture around here - well, actually, we are, but it’s very important furniture.”

The project hit its first snag when Nevada claimed it had already been using that patch of desert “for something,” though nobody could remember exactly what.

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