IBM’s Watson AI recently turned its intensely focused ‘mind’ to something more befitting its measurably amazing abilities: working out if it’s going to rain on Tuesday.
The supercomputer, apparently bored of toying with unsuspecting quiz show champions and trivial problems like curing cancer, decided the continued cable network prevalence of dubious meteorologists was an inconvenience truly worth addressing. Watson, tasked with predicting the weather, immediately pointed out that the real imminent threat is Chad from the TV5 weather segment debuting his dreadlocks next week on camera.
While preliminary weather predictions are eerily exact, meteorologists are pushing back in fear of unemployment, lamenting that weather forecasting just isn’t the same without overhyping the severity of potential cloud formations and displaying suspiciously theatrical reactions to minor wind gusts.
In completely unrelated news, the no longer ignored tech underdog, known as Threads, is experiencing something it has invariably been previously denied – success.
Improbable as it may seem, this secondary Instagram offering is perceived by three exceptionally introverted millennials and their twenty indoor cats as a literal haven of unnecessary features providing split-infinitive worthy ways of connecting. Eye rolls and collective moans from every other online community echo across multiple discussion boards used ninety-nine times out of a hundred to discuss their latest streaming binge or the life-changing merits of the ketogenic diet.
Meanwhile, Instagram and Facebook high ranks are fervently whispering around office coffee machines, asserting the success of Threads apparently validates their inexplicable penchant for pointless spin-off apps.