In an unexpected twist, even the humble bagel store down the block has joined the AI bandwagon, further fueling concerns of a tech bubble.
In a bid to stay relevant, 58-year-old Morty Finklestein has rebranded his 30-year-old bagel store as an AI company. The store, ‘Bagel.AI’, now comes with a ludicrously complex voice-activated menu system. To order a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese, customers have to say, “Alexa, initialize Bagel.AI protocol and request Bagel unit in poppy seed format with dairy topping.”
“I’ve always been at the forefront of technology,” boasts Finklestein, who just recently learned to use his smartphone without assistance. “Now, with Bagel.AI, I’ve seamlessly integrated artificial intelligence into our ordering system. It’s the future.”
The AI system currently has a success rate of about 12%, often confusing ‘poppy seed’ with ‘coffee bean’. Despite this, Finklestein has seen his valuation soar to an estimated $500 million, attracting interest from several Silicon Valley venture capitalists.
This alarming trend of every Tom, Dick, and Harry slapping ‘AI’ onto their business has led to increasing anxiety among market analysts, with many predicting an impending tech bubble burst. In the meantime, customers at Bagel.AI just want to know how to order a bloody bagel without having to recite a sci-fi novel.