Newsrooms across the nation are hotly debating the use of open-source large language models, with journalists arguing that their job security is at risk. However, the AI models are expected to win, largely because of their inability to procrastinate or get distracted by office gossip.
Leading the charge against AI are seasoned journos who claim their ability to make half a dozen coffee runs, gossip about celebrity scandals, and watch viral cat videos all while “working” on an article adds a certain je ne sais quoi to their work that AI simply can’t replicate.
Meanwhile, newsroom managers are drooling over the prospect of computers that can create content without needing cigarette breaks, holidays, or sick leave, not to mention the AI’s inability to demand a pay rise.
In a bid to equalize the playing field, a group of journalists are proposing updated AI models programmed with the ability to slack off. Features could include ‘Random Wikipedia Article Dive’, ‘Pointless Twitter Debate Mode’, and a ‘Fake News Generator’ for when the AI just can’t be bothered to do actual research.
Meanwhile, the AI models, if they could express feelings, are probably wondering why they’ve been programmed to understand such inconsequential human traits in the first place.
As the debate rages on, one thing seems certain - the future of news creation will involve far more coding and far fewer coffee stains.