In a riveting display of overconfidence and a complete misunderstanding of his own field, OpenAI’s top scientist, Dr. Hubert Lumen, has claimed that artificial general intelligence (AGI) can be used to restore hearing, entirely neglecting the longstanding strides of medical science.
Lumen, who has spent far too much time among robots, seems to have lost touch with the fundamentals of biology and the human body in his bold claim. “Our advanced AGI can analyze DNA sequences and suggest new modifications for gene therapy,” he said, ignoring the fact that actual scientists have been doing this for years without the help of sentient toasters.
Despite his misplaced faith in AGI, Lumen’s colleagues are reportedly not surprised. “He once suggested we use AI to invent a new kind of bread,” says one anonymous co-worker. “We had to explain to him that’s what baking is.”
Meanwhile, actual medical scientists are working diligently on gene therapy to restore hearing, with little to no assistance from the realm of artificial intelligence. They have yet to comment on Lumen’s announcement, likely too busy making real scientific progress to notice.
When asked for further comment, Dr. Lumen was reportedly too preoccupied attempting to teach AGI to tie shoelaces, another astounding challenge that humans conquered generations ago.