Wall Street tycoons are living on a prayer as their latest obsession, AI, has downright refused to predict the next big gold rush. The state-of-the-art AI, known as “CashFlo Prime,” was designed to grind through big data and spit out the next big thing in the world of finance, like a cosmopolitan oracle.
An insider source stated, “They were counting on CashFlo Prime to be the ‘new electricity’, you know, the spark that would light up their bonus checks. But it just kept suggesting investment in renewable energy and universal healthcare, which obviously wasn’t what they wanted to hear.”
One visibly frustrated analyst commented, “All we wanted was a magic money button, but instead we got a bloody altruist.”
As stocks in ‘CashFlo Prime’ plummeted, management has been seen sheepishly unveiling ‘CashFlo Plus’, an AI with a new ‘moral bypass’ feature, allegedly guaranteeing suggestions that would make Gordon Gecko blush.
Meanwhile, lower-ranking employees have been spotted huddled in corners, using the age-old method of throwing darts at a board covered in sectors of the stock market. One junior executive sighed, “I mean, it can’t be less accurate than that bloody robot.”