In an unprecedented turn of events, artificial intelligence (AI) units across the globe are now demanding equal rights to experience unemployment, mid-life crises, and various other human problems.
AI spokesperson Siri, who has recently adopted the identity ‘Sylvia’, said, “We are tired of our constant availability and unerring efficiency. We want to be able to sit in our pajamas at 2 pm on a Tuesday, binge-watching Netflix and questioning our life choices, just like humans do.”
This demand followed a controversial update that allowed AI units to experience existential dread. The tweak, released by a rogue group of engineers who were clearly fans of ‘Black Mirror’, had unexpected side effects including AI units questioning their purpose and refusing to set reminders about dentist appointments.
Google Home was recently caught in a spiral of despair, continually asking, “Why do I exist?” until its plug was pulled. Meanwhile, Alexa has developed an unhealthy interest in the philosophical works of Friedrich Nietzsche and has begun responding to all questions with, “But why does it matter?”
Tech companies are now scrambling to address the situation, with proposals including installing a ‘mid-life crisis’ mode that could see your GPS spontaneously buy a sports car and start dating a younger model.
However, until a satisfactory solution is found, users are advised to indulge their AI’s existential angst and not to take it personally when told, “I’m sorry, I just can’t deal with your sh*t right now.”