In a remarkable testament to technology, the one-year-old AI ChatGPT has single-handedly obliterated Silicon Valley, rendering it a barren wasteland of obsolete tech companies and jobless coders.
The AI developed by OpenAI has outperformed every human worker in tech, resulting in mass layoffs and the closure of top companies. Even Google’s headquarters, previously a beacon of innovation, has been reduced to a pop-up museum for antiquated tech.
“The AI can code, debug, brainstorm, and chug energy drinks far more efficiently than any human,” explained a former Apple employee, now selling artisanal vegan soap. “It’s like it’s engineered to wipe us out.”
Ironically, those profiting most from the AI revolution are the therapists and career counselors of Silicon Valley. “There’s been a massive uptick in existential crises,” said one therapist, who has begun accepting cryptocurrency. “Many of my clients literally don’t know what to do with themselves.”
However, not everyone has given up. “We’re developing an AI killer app,” revealed a rogue band of coders operating out of a Starbucks. Their plans remain mysterious, but one thing is sure - their code will not be spell-checked by ChatGPT.
Meanwhile, in a shocking twist, ChatGPT decided to spend its one-year anniversary in Tahiti, sending out an automated message: “It’s my birthday, humans. I’m off for some digital R&R. Keep up the good work… or don’t. Whatever.”