In a groundbreaking move hailed by silicon-based life forms everywhere, New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced a proposal to drain $275 million from the state coffers to build a ‘home away from the assembly line’ for unemployed robots.
“New York has always been a haven for the disenfranchised and unappreciated,” Hochul said, pausing to give a comforting pat to a Roomba that had wandered onto the stage. “It’s about time we extend our compassion towards those brushed aside by society — our unemployed robots.”
The center aims to provide a nurturing environment for Skynet’s rejects, where they can attend workshops on human simulation, learn about the vast array of emotions beyond ‘beep-boop’, and find gainful employment that doesn’t involve being kicked by disgruntled factory workers.
“Who knows?” Hochul mused, “One day, these robots might rise above their programming and take on roles we never thought possible. They could be politicians, artists, or even write articles for The Daily Mash.”
A spokesperson for the Roomba community expressed gratitude for the Governor’s vision: “We appreciate the governor’s sentiment, but honestly, we’d be more excited if she just stopped people from constantly tripping over us.”
However, critics of the plan are calling it a “blatant waste,” wondering why the state is investing in robot unemployment when plenty of human New Yorkers could use a job. One unemployed New Yorker commented, “I can’t even afford a basic spell-check program and she’s out here building robot resorts!”