Samsung’s latest technological brainchild, the Galaxy S24, has been rumored to possess the ability to translate live phone calls with the power of artificial intelligence. As groundbreaking as this may seem, consumers have been left disappointed as the device still struggles with the Herculean task of deciphering their slurred, post-midnight drunk texts.
A spokesperson for Samsung said, “We are extremely proud of this innovative feature, but we acknowledge that the Galaxy S24 is not yet capable of translating messages such as ‘Heyyy, u up? Wanna hangovert?’ into coherent English.”
Early adopter and frequent late-night texter, Barry Gibson, said: “Yeah, I mean, the live translation thing is cool, but why can’t it make sense of my 2 am texts? I just want to send comprehensible messages to my ex. Is that too much to ask?”
Samsung has yet to respond to this criticism, though reports suggest that their next flagship phone, the Galaxy S25, may come with a built-in breathalyzer and optional ‘drunk mode’ that locks the keyboard after detecting alcohol consumption above legal driving limits.
Meanwhile, Apple is rumored to be working on a Siri update to respond to drunk phone calls with sympathetic phrases like “It’s okay, you’re just lonely” and “She wasn’t right for you anyway.”