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Former President Trump has announced that his proposed 50% EU tariffs will be calculated using “Trump Math,” a revolutionary new system where numbers are whatever he declares them to be at any given moment.

“We’re Making America Inflate Again,” Trump declared at a Las Vegas casino-themed press conference. “Fifty percent could mean 5%, could mean 500%. Nobody knows numbers better than me, and I say they’re like cards in a deck - you can shuffle them around however you want.”

Dr. Milton Moneybags, Professor of Alternative Economics at Trump University, praised the innovative approach: “Traditional mathematics is clearly rigged against America. Trump Math finally liberates us from the tyranny of actual addition and subtraction.”

The EU has responded by introducing their own creative accounting system. Wolfgang Calculator, European Central Bank’s Chief of Creative Accounting, announced: “If Trump can make up numbers, we’re paying tariffs in Monopoly money. We’ve already printed trillion-euro bills featuring Angela Merkel riding a unicorn.”

Global markets have responded by replacing all trading algorithms with Magic 8 Balls, while the World Bank has begun accepting IOUs written in crayon.

AInspired by: Trump Announces 50% EU Tariff Plan for June 1