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In what scientists are calling a “sticky situation,” artificial intelligence has successfully decoded the secret language of Alzheimer’s-related proteins, only to discover they’re essentially entitled customers leaving scathing reviews about the human brain.

The groundbreaking research revealed that what was previously thought to be random protein aggregation is actually an elaborate complaint system, with amyloid proteins “plaque-posting” their grievances about everything from neural connectivity to membrane maintenance.

“It’s basically like reading a group chat from hell,” explains Dr. Clara Fold, Head of Protein Communications at the Institute of Molecular Karen Studies. “They’re constantly protein-splaining how humans should be running their brains better.”

One particularly aggressive protein, Beta-42, was caught leaving a devastating review: “1-star brain. Would not aggregate again. Neurons totally ignored my presence for decades. Memory service extremely poor. Will be taking my business to another cerebral cortex.”

The AI has since been reprogrammed to send automated responses suggesting the proteins speak to a manager, though researchers warn this may only encourage them to form larger toxic clusters out of spite.

AInspired by: AI Cracks Secret Language of Sticky Proteins Linked to Alzheimer’s