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The Royal Ascot descended into chaos today as the newly-formed Royal Horses Union (RHU) announced immediate industrial action over the continued absence of their “emotional support princess” Kate Middleton.

Leading neigh-gotiations, Sebastian, a distinguished stallion from the Queen’s stable, issued an unprecedented statement: “We refuse to perform without Her Royal Wave-ness. This stable relationship has been essential to our wellbeing, and her absence has led to unbridled criticism from our members.”

The RHU’s union representative, a bay thoroughbred named Wellington, added: “Some of our younger colts have never experienced a proper royal wave. It’s affecting morale. We’re not just going to horse around while management ignores our basic needs.”

Palace sources report emergency talks are underway, with officials considering installing a mechanical Kate replica complete with programmable wave functions. However, the horses have rejected this proposal, describing it as “a mere foal’s attempt at resolution.”

As tensions mount, several horses have been spotted wearing “No Wave, No Work” placards while trotting in circles outside Buckingham Palace, leaving the royal family to face their most significant equine crisis since the Great Carriage Horse Revolt of 1962.

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