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Former President Donald Trump has escalated the Senate recess dispute by demanding mandatory playground time for all members of Congress, insisting that “nobody does the monkey bars better than me, maybe ever in history.”

The controversial proposal includes installing a full playground equipment set in the Senate chamber, with designated “swing state” areas and a “sliding scale of democracy” for voting procedures.

“We’re seeing unprecedented levels of playground politics,” noted Senate Playground Monitor Janet Williams. “Yesterday, three senators were given time-outs for not sharing the legislative see-saw, and someone wrote ‘Mitch smells’ in the Congressional bathroom.”

Trump, speaking from his Mar-a-Lago jungle gym, declared: “I have the best playground skills, tremendous skills. I can hang upside down longer than any president in history, possibly ever.”

Democratic leaders have countered by proposing their own structured recess activities, including “bipartisan dodge ball” and “reach across the aisle” red rover.

The situation reached a crisis point when several GOP leaders threatened to take their legislative ball and go home, leading to an emergency meeting of the Congressional Parent-Teacher Association.

AInspired by: Trump and GOP Leaders Dispute Senate Recess