Trump Solves Nominee Dispute By Becoming Every Nominee, Claims 'Nobody Does Me Better Than Me'
In an unprecedented move to resolve ongoing confirmation disputes with the Senate, former President Donald Trump has nominated himself for all 1,200 Senate-confirmed positions, creating what experts are calling a “Cabinet of mirrors.”
“I’m the best candidate for every job because nobody knows Trump better than Trump,” declared Trump while simultaneously interviewing himself for multiple positions. “I’ll be Secretary of State in the morning, Treasury Secretary after lunch, and Defense Secretary for dinner. It’s perfect, believe me.”
Dr. Sigmund Fraud, leading political psychiatrist, expressed concern about the situation. “We’re seeing the first recorded case of governmental multiple personality disorder. The executive branch has become a one-man show, quite literally.”
Sally Singular, cabinet affairs analyst, noted the practical challenges: “We’ve had to install 1,200 golden mirrors in the West Wing so each Trump can consult with himself. The echo chamber is both literal and metaphorical.”
The Senate remains deadlocked on how to proceed, as every confirmation hearing consists of Trump questioning himself while wearing different colored ties to distinguish between his roles.
“The only upside,” noted Singular, “is that cabinet meetings now take just 30 seconds, as everyone instantly agrees with everyone else.”
AInspired by: Trump and Senate Dispute Nominee Confirmations