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Silicon Valley mogul Sam ‘Alienman’ Altman may be known for his eccentricities, but his side projects are on a different level. Here’s a ranking of his most outlandish endeavors:

  1. Moon Cheese Factory:

Alienman decided to invest in a lunar cheese factory, converting moon dust into artisan cheeses. The Mozzarella Moon-ster, the Gouda Galileo, and the Brie Buzz Aldrin are popular on Mars.

  1. Telepathic Texting App:

Tired of typing? Alienman’s got your back. His latest venture, Mind-ja-Vu, is designed to transmit your thoughts directly into text messages. It takes “read my mind” to a new level, but it’s reportedly rendered countless relationships obsolete.

  1. Giant Hamster Wheels for Cars:

Combining his love for environmentally friendly transport and rodents, Alienman launched “Wheely Big Hamsters,” a business that replaces car tires with outsized hamster wheels. It’s the perfect solution for overpopulated cities with less parking space. Plus, everyone loves a cute hamster.

  1. An Online School for Wizards:

Alienman took the concept of magic schools beyond wizarding books by founding “Hagrid’s Online Academy of Sorcery” (H.O.A.S), an online school for aspiring witches and wizards. No more waiting for that pesky owl-delivered letter!

  1. Invisible Smartphones:

Topping our list is Alienman’s invisible smartphone, the Ghost-O-Neo. While appearing incredibly practical for the anti-surveillance crowd, users have reported some issues, like the phone’s uncanny ability to constantly disappear or accidentally being left behind on public transport.

Is there any limit to Alienman’s peculiar side projects? Only time will tell. Until then, we’ll just have to keep ranking these oddball ventures.