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A groundbreaking study has demonstrated that artificial intelligence (AI) can now predict pancreatic cancer in certain cases with alarming accuracy. However, the same AI continues to fall short when it comes to predicting winning lottery numbers or the outcome of horse races.

The state-of-the-art AI system, dubbed “PancreoPredictor 3000,” was developed by a team of researchers led by Dr. Kynthia Siatica. When questioned about the machine’s inability to assist in more covert money-making schemes, Dr. Siatica retorted, “Our goal is to save lives, not to help people get rich quick.”

PancreoPredictor 3000, while a shining beacon of hope in the medical community, is viewed as a massive disappointment by a small but vocal group of opportunistic individuals with dollar signs in their eyes. One such individual, Barry GoLucky, expressed his frustration, saying, “Yeah, sure, detecting cancer is great and all, but I really just want to know if I should bet on Hasty Hare or Lazy Daisy in the next race.”

At the end of the day, the PancreoPredictor 3000 has drawn both praise and disappointment. While the medical world waits in anticipation for the AI’s future contributions, gamblers and risk-takers are left yearning for an AI that caters to their less-than-noble desires.

AInspired by: AI could predict pancreatic cancer early in some cases, study shows