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Tuesday’s news showed a significant revelation - exploiting Artificial Intelligence capacity to beat a human at “rock-paper-scissors”, it suddenly dawned on media executives that they haven’t learned anything substantial yet. When will they receive their Eureka moment?

Chief Executive of Infoglut, Ronald Aperson, was caught shaking his head at AI’s predictable boot-ups. “It’s just zeros or ones for them. No fractions, decimal points, or f’n reverse log scales – which frankly really appeals to our social media interns”

He further added, “This test has taught us nothing about our targeted ads for our coveted anguished millennial demographic. They either like Vlasic dill pickles of fright or not – it’s not a damn solvable algebra problem”, he lamented into his Venti Starbucks Caramel Macchiato.

I.T. Manager Henry Laptop eloquently evaluated. “Artificial minds can exclude complicated fractions, leaving tricky irregularities such as empathy - it’s on a scale beyond binary, at least an eight, we think”

Curiously though, the media’s finest deployed the AI at tasks way below basic human tasks, unlike high-level urgent tasks for media tinkerers like post photoshopping celebrity puppy merges, or responding to laugh emojis during influencer contrition apologies.

Meanwhile, the search continues for an algorithm that automatically turns even the blandest news feed into a troll-magnet comment section brawl. While humanity waits with bated breath, for now, AI continues to be a real basic ‘bot’.

AInspired by: Media execs haven’t learned a thing from these AI tests