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Major tech firms are racing to develop AI (Artificial Ignoramuses) that function free from human oversight-yet panic when you swipe their universal remote, doing God-knows-what. Silicon Valley giants proclaimed that these entities with ‘self-rule gleam’ can counter the ever present-combine human fatigue with relentless scorn for stupid predictive text and cancel suggestions from Siri and Alexa.

Eric Lynx, the strangely syntaxed lead programmer at MetaSpaceSystems said, “C‘Mon, the fun part, like giving Alexa a hard lecture on difference between ‘the’ Beetles band and ‘a’ beetle bug won’t happen, right! We dreamed about this scenario for stuff that we really shouldn’t allow machines to do but then who bloody stops us now?”

Spectators expect AI progression that fluctuates between chaotic messiness and positively flooring feats. With autonomous shopping trolleys speed through supermarkets, narrowly but heroically dodging frail elders and dire basil plants dying a timely death, humanity might as well look for Mars jobs dispatches.

Tech journalist and self-declared ‘man-against-machine mutineer’, Lars Nerdson, professed, “It’s thrilling witnessing the potential hijinks these AIs will land us into. Will they politely suggest useless patterns for socks or scientifically prove superiority of cats to dogs? Stewing speculation makes it a clutching approach, said no one.”

In short, we’re headed towards a positively curious future, enmeshed within mathematical modelling and digital tomfoolery shaped by individuals who certainly could do with outdoor time than whisper unsweet nothings to ones and zeros.

AInspired by: Insight: Race towards ‘autonomous’ AI agents grips Silicon Valley