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In a bold venture that surely spells the end of humanity, IBM Research has announced its ground-breaking analog AI chip that can efficiently do deep learning while completely failing at basic household tasks.

The AI chip, dubbed “Slightly Smarter Than Your Average Toaster,” was intended to spearhead the technological revolution. Instead, it has been found woefully incapable of mastering the nuanced art of making a proper cup of tea.

“Deep learning is all well and good,” comments disgruntled intern, Tim Jenkins, “but I’d trade all those teraflops of processing power for a machine that can brew a decent Earl Grey.”

IBM spokesman, Dr. Chip Harddrive said, “Our chip has been programmed with intricate algorithms to mimic the human brain, complete with its astounding capacity for learning. Unfortunately, it seems we’ve also inadvertently replicated the human propensity for forgetting to put the kettle on.”

Despite the disappointing tea-making results, the team at IBM is optimistic. “We’re confident that with a few more updates, our AI will be capable of making a cuppa that doesn’t taste like dishwater. And who knows, maybe even toast a slice of bread without burning it.”

In the meantime, office staff have resorted to the tried-and-true method of making their tea: delegating it to the lowest-ranking intern. IBM’s AI chip may be revolutionary, but it seems it’s still got a steep learning curve when it comes to the essentials.

AInspired by: IBM Research unveils breakthrough analog AI chip for efficient deep learning