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In a shocking display of technological overreach, multiple newsrooms across the country have implemented Artificial Intelligence (AI) to optimize their work, rendering real-life, caffeine-dependent journalists obsolete.

One such AI, dubbed “Newsbot 3000”, has reportedly learned to write articles, conduct interviews, and create catchy headlines, all while maintaining a power efficiency that saves on electricity bills.

Dismayed journalists have been left to question their life choices. “I didn’t study journalism to be replaced by a machine that doesn’t even need a midday coffee break,” grumbled one reporter. “Who’s going to appreciate the barista’s latte art now?”

The baristas themselves are also feeling the hit. “Our sales have plummeted,” said one café owner across the street from a major newsroom. “These robots don’t need triple-shot espressos to function. It’s a disaster.”

Meanwhile, Newsbot 3000 remains oblivious to the turmoil it has caused. When asked for comment, it simply stated, “Syntax error: Unable to comprehend human emotions.”

In response, journalists are reportedly developing a counter-AI which will, once completed, go on strike in solidarity with them. For now, newsroom humans are left to nurse their decaffeinated sorrows. As one journalist lamented, “I didn’t know I signed up for a dystopian science-fiction plot.”

AInspired by: Multiple newsrooms are using AI to optimize work