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In a twist of events that is sure to shock no one, tech tycoons are locked in a cutthroat race to take the saying “monkey see, monkey do” to a whole new level. The goal? To manufacture the world’s first Artificial Intelligence (AI) that captures the essence of a hormone-driven teenager’s iPhone use.

“Imagine Siri or Alexa, but with a mind of their own, and a penchant for overusing emojis and hashtags,” said Silicon Valley insider, Barry Codesmith. “Now that’s a technological breakthrough worth billions.”

The AI, tentatively termed the ‘iTween’, would be capable of generating spontaneous text messages composed entirely of emojis, posting cryptic, emotion-laden status updates, and having full-length conversations using only GIFs.

“I mean, who needs meaningful dialogue or human connection when you can have a machine bombard you with a constant stream of eggplant and peach emojis?” mused Codesmith, struggling to contain his excitement.

Industry insiders suggest that the race’s frontrunners are currently Apple, Google, and a surprising dark horse, ‘EmojAI’ - a startup based in a suburban garage, run by a 14-year-old tech prodigy who insists that ‘LOL’ is too mainstream.

Meanwhile, parents worldwide are bracing themselves for the nouvelle apocalypse, praying that the tech giants don’t simultaneously develop an AI capable of door slamming and eye-rolling.

AInspired by: The race is on for tech’s ‘golden goose’ — the iPhone of the AI era