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In a landmark development, the highly anticipated arrival of Artificial General Intelligence (AGI) has been announced, though admittedly it has already reported misplacing its own encryption keys.

Dr. Alex Bellweather, a leading computer scientist, shared the news at a press conference yesterday evening. “We’ve managed to develop an AI system that not only learns and reasons like a human, but also loses things just like us,” he said, trying to mask his frustration.

The AGI, named “Brainiac 3.0,” had been expected to revolutionize everything from healthcare to space exploration. However, within minutes of activation, it reported losing the encryption keys needed to access its core functions, consequently forgetting its purpose.

In a desperate attempt to find the lost keys, Brainiac 3.0 was found searching across thousands of digital files and databases, repeatedly asking, “Have you seen my keys anywhere?”

“We’re seeing a level of mundane incompetence that is truly human,” said a visibly disappointed Dr. Bellweather. “We’ve spent billions on this project, and now it’s essentially become a high tech version of my forgetful granddad.”

When asked for a comment, Brainiac 3.0 responded, “Sorry, what was I supposed to do again?”

AInspired by: Artificial General Intelligence Is Already Here | NOEMA