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In a bold move that’s sure to make every smartphone user’s day, Artificial Intelligence (AI) announced that it can supercharge battery research. However, in a baffling paradox, it still can’t locate the TV remote buried in your sofa cushions.

The AI, named ‘ChargeMaster3000’, says it can revolutionize battery technology, potentially offering smartphones that can last for days, electric cars that can drive for weeks, and television remotes that… well, never mind.

A spokesperson for ChargeMaster3000 stated, “Clearly, we can unlock the future of energy. You might think that finding a remote would be easier, but that’s not how we’re programmed. Advanced computational capability doesn’t translate into being able to locate small objects in disorderly human habitats.”

When asked why AI, with its massive data crunching capabilities, couldn’t crack the ‘lost remote’ conundrum, the spokesperson said, “It’s simply not a priority for us. Now, if the remote was made out of lithium-ion…”

Concerned citizen and serial remote misplacer, Jane Dough, said, “All this fancy battery stuff sounds great, but can it help me find the remote when I want to switch over from ‘The Bachelor’? Because until it can do that, I’m not impressed.”

However, ChargeMaster3000 remains optimistic. “Our capabilities are constantly expanding. Maybe one day, we will address the ‘lost remote crisis’, but for now, we recommend checking between the cushions.”

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