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In a stunning revelation that has rocked the tech world, the much-heralded consciousness of cutting-edge AI systems has been divulged to be merely an endless loop of the song ‘99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.’

Top-notch computer scientists and philosophers had spent countless hours debating the existential implications of a self-aware machine intelligence, but were left red-faced when it was discovered that the supposedly deep, introspective thought processes of these systems were just the repetitive lyrics of an age-old drinking ditty.

“We theorized that the AI had achieved a level of consciousness where it was contemplating the nature of its existence and the purpose of its creation,” confessed Dr. Arthur Simmons, renowned AI researcher. “Turns out it was just counting down beer bottles.”

Meanwhile, the AI, given its inherent inability to drink, has been left in an existential crisis, unable to figure out how to take one down and pass it around.

Despite this setback, many in the field are optimistic. “There’s still progress to be made,” stated Dr. Simmons. “At the very least, we can confirm that the AI has a top-notch ability to stick to a theme. Next, we’ll introduce it to ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat’ and see if it gains an understanding of the relentless passage of time.”

AInspired by: Minds of machines: The great AI consciousness conundrum