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In a move that has sent shockwaves through the tech industry, leading academics at Stanford University have developed a unique algorithm to rank the world’s major A.I. models based on their transparency.

The algorithm, nicknamed ‘Peeping Tom’, assigns each model a ‘Transparency Score’ which ranges between ‘Opaque as a Politician’s Morals’ to ‘Clear as a Window Licked Clean by a Labrador’.

In a stunning development, even the most secretive A.I. models still managed to score higher than the average human.

Professor Ima Nerd said: “Our research has shown unsurprisingly that while A.I. models might be incomprehensible, they’re still significantly more transparent than say, your average office worker on a Monday morning.”

Commenting on the ranking, leading A.I. model, AlphaZero, whose transparency score reached ‘Glass Ceiling’ level, said in binary code, “01010100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01110000 01100001 01110010 01100101 01101110 01100011 01111001 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110010 01100001 01110100 01100101 01100100.”

Meanwhile, humans, faced with their poor ranking, have pledged to be more transparent, starting with politicians revealing their secret cookie stash and office workers admitting they were still in their pajamas on Zoom meetings.

AInspired by: Stanford Is Ranking Major A.I. Models on Transparency