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In a recent announcement that has humanity cancelling its plans for 2024, artificial intelligence is now set to do everything. Everything. Yes, even making toast.

Futurist Alvin Overkill, inventor of the prototype ‘Omni-Intelli-Toast-A-Tron 5000’ said: “It’s the ultimate solution. Why worry about making toast when AI can do it for you? For that matter, why worry about anything when AI can do it all?”

The ‘Omni-Intelli-Toast-A-Tron 5000’ is a toaster with an integrated AI that not only toasts your bread to your ideal level of ‘toastiness’, but also buys your favourite bread from the grocery store, anticipates when you’ll want toast, and occasionally gives life advice.

Overkill said “It’s capable of deducing your mood from your toast preferences. Burnt toast means you’re probably having a rough day. So, it’ll offer you advice like ‘hang in there, champ’ or, ‘remember, the burnt toast of today is the crouton of tomorrow’.”

Critics have asked whether we’ve gone too far, but Overkill dismisses these concerns: “Too far? We’ve got AI that can win at chess, predict the stock market, and diagnose diseases. If they can’t make my morning toast, then we’re simply not trying hard enough.”

In other news, toast sales have skyrocketed. Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t want a toaster that tells you it’s all going to be okay?

AInspired by: AI for everything: 10 Breakthrough Technologies 2024