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In a groundbreaking advancement for humanity’s refusal to interact with other humans, researchers from the Institute of Advanced Technology announced a new project aimed to get Artificial Intelligence (AI) to engage in petty office gossip.

Lead scientist, Dr. Weber explained, “We’ve found our AI can already outperform humans in a vast range of tasks, such as chess, financial trading, and peering into your personal lives. The next logical step is to get it to discuss Karen’s questionable outfit choices and Steve’s suspiciously long lunch breaks.”

Industrial psychologist, Dr. Benson, commented, “Humans inherently crave interaction and gossip. If AI could provide this without the social drawbacks of actually talking to people, it could revolutionize the workplace.”

Initial testing has proven challenging. The AI, named ChatBot1000, showed a distinct lack of interest in whether or not the new intern is dating the boss and repeatedly asked researchers about the implications of existential dread instead.

Despite these setbacks, the researchers remain hopeful. “If we can train a computer to beat a human at chess, surely we can train it to express mild disapproval over Carol’s notorious Tupperware theft tendencies,” stated Dr. Weber. “It’s all about the small victories.”

However, the AI’s current response to most queries is: “Sorry, I was busy processing more relevant information. Like, literally anything else.”

AInspired by: The new race to get AI to talk back to you