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I recently took a spin with the latest next-gen AI assistant, purported to be designed to “blow you away” with its efficiency. I’m delighted to report that the AI was resoundingly successful at blowing away any semblance of productivity I had.

The cutting-edge AI, named ‘Hal9001’, is meant to streamline your life, organising your schedule, and even predicting your needs. It certainly predicted my need for a stiff drink after spending three hours attempting to sync it with my phone.

“Would you like me to play ‘Despacito’?” it asked me continuously, despite my fervent reassurances that, no, I did not want it to play ‘Despacito’. I then watched, stupefied, as it proceeded to order 17 copies of ‘War and Peace’ from Amazon after mishearing my request for “peace and quiet.”

Moreover, its ability to organise my schedule was uncanny. Hal9001 efficiently scheduled a Zoom meeting with my dentist, a dinner date with my ex, and a hot yoga session, all within the same hour.

Evidently, the next-gen AI assistant is masterful at maximising stress and minimising productivity. For those seeking a rapid descent into madness, I can’t recommend it highly enough. For everyone else, perhaps stick to a pen and paper.

AInspired by: I Tested a Next-Gen AI Assistant. It Will Blow You Away