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Newsrooms across the nation are in a state of turmoil as a new report reveals a glaring power imbalance between publishers and platforms, thanks to the influx of AI technology. The report suggests that artificial intelligence, once welcomed as a tool to help generate weather updates and stock market reports, is now churning out top-tier clickbait headlines, leaving human journalists in a state of existential crisis.

For years, journalists have honed their craft of creating captivating, often misleading, headlines designed to lure readers into clicking on their stories. Now, these same journalists are facing the grim reality of being outperformed by a machine that doesn’t even know the sweet satisfaction of baiting a reader with the promise of a revealing Kardashian story only to provide a dry report on local sewage treatment procedures.

“I’ve spent years mastering the art of sensationalistic, often baseless, headline creation,” said veteran reporter Cynthia Dunne, clutching a hastily scribbled ‘Reasons Why Cats Might Be Alien Spies’ list. “Now some hunk of metal and code is stealing my job? It’s just not fair.”

Despite the outcry from staff, publishers seem unfazed, citing the cost savings and the AI’s uncanny ability to resist being distracted by funny cat videos on YouTube. Meanwhile, the AI remains indifferent, lacking both emotional capacity and a need for coffee breaks.

AInspired by: AI adoption in newsrooms presents “a familiar power imbalance” between publishers and platforms, new report finds