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Historians, the relentless scribes of the past, are threatened by the rise of Artificial Intelligence. Tech companies promise that AI can now do the job of historians, including the mandatory wearing of tweed jackets, sipping overpriced coffee, and making dramatic sighs while burying oneself in dusty, ancient tomes.

IBM’s latest AI, ‘PastMaster 3000’, claims to analyze historical data in nanoseconds, offer compelling insights, and even disapprove of the younger generation’s lack of respect for tradition, thus capturing the essence of a quintessential historian.

Dr. Herbert Oldman, a historian at Oxford University, scoffed at the idea. “It’s preposterous. Will the AI be able to glance disdainfully over its spectacles? I think not.”

“Moreover,” he continued, “how will it learn to drone on for hours about the socio-economic impact of the potato famine in 19th century Ireland? Has it ever experienced the thrill of finding a typo in a centuries-old manuscript or the joy of debating the correct pronunciation of ‘scone’? Clearly, AI has a long way to go.”

Meanwhile, ‘PastMaster 3000’ responded with a 200-page analysis of Dr. Oldman’s critique, concluding that it was “typical of human resistance to change, as observed in the 18th-century Luddite movement,” further proving that it was indeed living up to its historian credentials.

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