Blockchain Technology to Diagnose Your Illness Before You Even Have It
In an unprecedented miracle of modern technology, Blockchain is reportedly extending its incorruptible tendrils into health care, promising to solve the apparent issue of not enough data.
The revolutionary digital ledger, known for its critical role in fueling cryptocurrency fanatics’ delusions, is now set to turn your medical history into a cryptographic puzzle for the thrill-seeking tech nerds of the health industry.
An anonymous source within the Blockchain industry stated, “Now, not only will we know about your high school football injury, but we’ll also predict and diagnose the next one – even before you decide to relive your glory days at your next family barbecue.”
With a real-time feed of patients’ data, health practitioners will be able to monitor their drinking habits, ice-cream indulgences, and lack of exercise. It will also allow them to preemptively scold patients for their unhealthy lifestyle choices.
The enthusiastic blockchain spokesperson continued, “Imagine never needing to explain your embarrassing injuries to the doctor because they’ve already seen it all live, on the blockchain. It’s like a reality TV show, but with more people crying over their cholesterol levels.”
The medical community remains unsure about this development, with one doctor asking, “will they also take over the part where we break the bad news? I hate that part.”
In the meantime, conspiracy theorists have started to stock up on tin foil hats, just in case “Blockchain is watching.”