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Sally Henderson, a 34-year-old pedicure specialist, has expressed her immense surprise and disappointment that her life isn’t going according to the stars. Despite rigidly living her life according to her daily horoscope, her predicted path to success seems to have taken a detour.

Friends report Sally saying: “I just don’t understand. I’ve been following my star sign’s advice religiously. I’ve worn yellow on Tuesdays like it said, avoided all Geminis, and I’ve been eating a lot of asparagus because it’s my power food.”

Sally’s latest misstep includes investing her life savings into a doomed avocado farm, a decision she made based on her horoscope advising her to “branch out into new, green opportunities.”

Sally’s friend, Claire, said: “I tried telling her that ‘green opportunities’ probably didn’t mean literal farming, and her horoscope was more of a metaphorical guide, not a business plan. But she just wouldn’t listen.”

When asked about her plans moving forward, Sally remained undeterred: “I’m a Taurus. We’re stubborn. I’ll keep following my horoscope. It’s bound to be right someday.”

Astrologists have yet to comment on why the stars have seemingly led Sally astray. They are reportedly too busy trying to figure out why Mercury is still in retrograde.

AInspired by: Editorial